How to be a “real man”: Shake hands. Bump shoulders. Gimme five. Up high. Down low. Bulk up. Try out. Make gains. Make the team. Pump iron. Don’t iron that. Talk hockey. Talk a lot. Not about feelings. Get angry. Put them in their place. Don’t get emotional. Don’t do drama. Wear black. Wear blue. Not light blue. Explain things. Keep it straight. Be a man. Don’t be a girl. Got it?